Drunken Rambling: Don't be an idiot - stay away from IGN

Dear readers, I have a confession to make. I am a PAYING subscriber to IGN. Now, before you run to your nearest hardware store and buy up scads of sharp objects to heat and apply to my ass allow me to say this:

I'm taking the bullet so you don't have to. That's right, I'm doing it for you.

IGN - once the edgy and interesting site about all things gaming and with a heaping helping of DVD and other entertainment - has turned into a joke. It's a compliment to call it a farce nowadays and by it has become an insult to my intelligence. The site that I visited several times daily when it was known as The DEN (Daily Entertainment Network) has decayed and the musty parts that remain have become a self-serving, money-grabbing, integrity-selling, array of journalistic flotsam that I would not even consider to wipe my ass with if I were to print it on a roll of Charman..

I have to really search to find a site that has more advertising than the IGN Sites. You'll find annoying banner ads EVERYWHERE - from the pages that are supposed to show an enlarged screenshot of a game to "pass-through" ads that interrupt navigation from page to page. Some of these ads have gotten to the point where they are playing annoying and occasionally infuriating sound clips. As a final insult, they even have "headlines" that are actually advertisements for their own online store.
I encountered this ad BETWEEN PAGES!

This is an ACTUAL POLL on IGN...
While I'm at it, if you want to buy a game online, go to Amazon.com or Best Buy.com and save a few bucks. The prices listed in the IGN store are no different than mall-store prices. Better yet, go to the mall and pay the price - chances are the sales person might be able to give to a competent recommendation.

Speaking of recommendations, take everything those IGN jokers say with a grain of salt. Their "Editor's Choice" lists contain such amazing examples of gaming excellence as "XG3 Extreme G Racing", "NASCAR Thunder 2003", "Ring of Red", and "Sled Storm". Oh yeah...a real set of classics in their fields. I am convinced that they're willing to sell journalistic integrity for comp tickets to E3 and a visit by the Midway cheerleaders.

Oh, and a quick note to their media content administrator: When you maintain a list of photos for a particular game, PLEASE make sure that the same damned photo isn't repeated over and over in the list - it'sjust a common courtesy.
One day's worth of screen captues...count the repeats.

Now that we've gone through the free garbage, let's explore their "premium content".

When you pay your $5.95 monthly, you gain access to an array of benefits that are meager at their best and a waste of my time to even read the headline at their worst.
Yep. You have to PAY to read the review.

Consider this: You gain access to their "Insider" section that IGN describes as:

(a) subscription program to offer our current users even more features and exclusive content, and to ensure IGN continues to publish the amount of game reviews and previews, news, interviews, guides and codes that our users demand well into the future.

...and this "exclusive content" includes the following garbage:

  • Their "Unplugged" .pdf magazine - a sporadically updated document that is no different than the site itself. Useless.
  • Their office "flycam" - If I wanted to pay to see monkeys pick at their unholy crevices, I'd go to the zoo. Again, useless.
  • "Head-to-Head" cross-system game reviews - Please, no different their vapid reviews
  • Classifieds - Try E-Bay.
  • "Gaming Life in..." - Rarely interesting, but the Japanese articles do little to portend future trends and the European and Australian articles are useless.
  • "Archive Access" - A freaking gyp! Who in their penny-pinching mind would charge for access to a sporadic library of ancient articles?
  • "Game Guides" - The WORST written guides available - some seem written by thirteen year olds...
  • "Reader of the Week" - Tell me why I care.
  • ...and that's just the tip of the iceburg! Don't you want to sign up now?

    Here's the bottom line: IGN sucks. Really. If you want guides and cheats, go to Gamefaqs.com. If you want news, try Gamespot. If you want a fine balance between news, HONEST reviews, and biting commentary, stay here. If you want to waste your money on premium content, sent $5.95 a month to me and I'll send you pictures of my latest trip to Seattle.

    To paraphrase comedian Lewis Black, "If you ever..EVER feel the urge to use IGN as your primary source of gaming news and opinion...I want you to take a pencil...sharpen it...and stick it in your eye."

    This is my old project, THROWDOWN.

    A group of friends and I put together this little project in 2003 as an outlet of out collective rage and anger about the subjects that each of us cared about. I was the editor-and-chief and games writer back then.

    It was a blast to do and it to be involved in a great collaborative effort using the strengths of my friends was simply amazing. I hope you have fun reading our work as much as we had in creating it.

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    2003 The Throw Down Group